The Vicar's Chickens

An extract

The witch Griselda looked into her crystal ball, at the boys playing in the garden and Snuggle asleep in the dahlia bed.  She rubbed her nose and cried,  "I'm going to get that cat.  I shall send fireballs upon the garden of The Old Vicarage."
"But mistress!  Mistress!" stammered her three guards.  "You might burn the little boys."

          "Who cares," replied Griselda as she raised her magic staff, and with a curse sent fireballs upon the garden of The Old Vicarage. 

          Snuggle felt a sense of danger.  He opened one eye and with a loud "Meow!" leapt out of the dahlia bed just as a fireball landed amidst the blooms. "Run!" he cried to the boys.

          Fireballs landed between the boys and the house.  Fireballs landed on two other sides.  The churchyard was the only means of escape. 

          "Into the churchyard.  Run!" shouted Snuggle. 

          Fireballs rained down on the churchyard.  All around were walls of fire. 

          "We're trapped," screamed the boys in terror.

          "Into the church," commanded Snuggle.

          Inside the church it was still cool but all around flames drew closer, leaping up outside the stained glass window of St. George riding through the valley (with the cross cut in chalk upon the hill).  The Vicar was lying on the steps in front of the altar.

          "We must get out of here," said Snuggle.  "Join hands.  Close eyes.  Think of the Land of Ramion."  They joined hands, closed eyes and thought of Ramion.  Snuggle breathed on the boys.  There was a rushing wind as the church travelled through the void.  Then Snuggle cried, "Open your eyes."

          The boys looked around the church and through the stained glass window of St. George riding in the valley.

          "The flames have gone."

          "I can see a palm tree."

          "Snuggle! Have you brought the church as well?"

          "And the Vicar!"

          The Vicar sat up, rubbed his eyes, stood on his head and did cartwheels down the centre of the nave.

          "Last one out's a cissy," cried the Vicar, as he ran out of the door.

          The boys ran after him.  The church stood on a seashore with white sands which burnt the feet, clear blue sea, blazing sun and palm trees bending in the breeze. 

          The Vicar was running towards the sea.  "Can you swim?" shouted the boys.  There was no reply.  They ran and ran as the Vicar dashed into the sea, fell over, and disappeared beneath the waves.

          The boys dived in, pulled the Vicar to the shore and lay exhausted on the sand, gasping for breath. 

          But the Vicar was already dashing back inside the church and emerging with bucket and spade.  "Let's make a sandcastle," he said, beginning to dig with speed.

          He had not dug for long when Snuggle (who had gone to explore) ran up gasping, "Cannibals!  Cannibals!"

          "Why is it that in our adventures someone always wants to eat us?" grumbled the boys, as they took the Vicar by the hand and ran. 

They ran into the jungle.  The band of cannibals was only just behind.  When the cannibals saw the Vicar they got very excited and waving spears and shields shouted at the top of their voices: "Him missionary.  Him very good to eat."  For in their tribe stories were handed down from father to son about men who came in boats, wearing collars the wrong way round, who had been very good to eat.

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